The Art of Breaking Up
by Joe Vetromile
Sometimes, relationships run their course. You may be at fault or not, but when its time to bring your relationship to an end, you want to do so cleanly and effectively. Here are some suggestions:
1) If you have personal items at your lover's place, you want to begin getting them back. This is much more difficult to do after the breakup. If your lover has things around your home, put these in a box and have them ready to move. Be thorough - you don't want to have things left around for him/her to need to come back for later.
2) Don't involve your friends, family, co-workers, etc., in the breakup. This is only between you and your mate. Adding others to the breakup just increases the humiliation factor.
3) If you're afraid of a scene, break up at a public venue such as a restaurant. However, don't "lure" your soon-to-be-ex lover there under false pretenses. Explain that you want to "talk about your relationship."
4) Don't wait until a "good time." Do it as soon as you make the decision. Waiting only prolongs the inevitable and makes it even more difficult. Be bold!
5) However, don't breakup on a day with special significance. For example, don't breakup on Christmas Day, Easter, or your ex-partner's birthday. This is cruel, and may spoil that day for this person for many future years.
6) Don't hedge - get to the point. Be clear and specific. Don't blame or argue, and don't prolong the event. Again I say…be bold!
7) Don't breakup in stages! Some people; either through fear of losing someone, or a feeling that their sparing their ex-lover's feelings do the "series breakup". They start by getting distant, then, they suggest that both of them see other people, then, they stop answering the telephone, etc. This just causes the pain to be extended for a longer period of time than is necessary.
8) Be considerate of your ex-lover's feelings, but don't back down. Also, don't promise to stay in touch, stay friends, or say that maybe you can get back together after you "get your head together". This leads to false hopes.
9) Don't unload your hurt or anger on this person. Be detached, unemotional, and specific.
10) And finally, don't bad-mouth your x once everything has been resolved. Remember that old saying, "If you don't have anything nice to say" you know the rest.
Breaking up is very difficult for both the person doing it as well as the person getting dumped. Always remember that you saw something special in that person when you first got together. Regardless of what happened to cause the break up, they are still the same person you met and have a right to their dignity.
Be bold, be compassionate, and be truthful. Follow these guidelines, and you have mastered the Art of Breaking up.
Reprinted with permission fromwww.DrDating.com