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Dating Doctor      
  dating advice · dating doctor · lay away

Do you feel like you have been put on "Lay-Away?"

   I have received a number of inquiries lately from women who are perplexed by the fact that the words expressed by their male love interests do not exactly match their actions. Women are being told by their beaus, "Of course, I love you. You know that!?" "We will be together forever, and soon." "Of course you are the only one for me." "We'll get married someday, just not right now." "I'm not interested in anyone else. You know that." But are these statements actually true? What do these words actually mean?

In male-ease, men could be saying several different things....

1]. First, he could be telling you the truth and his words mean exactly what he said. This is rare, but possible.

2]. Next, he may be too young, or old, or immature or mature to make that major a of a commitment at this time in his life.

3]. He has been burned or divorced before and has no intention of marrying again any time soon and realizes that these phrases will keep you around awhile longer before he is given an ultimatum to which he must respond.

4]. He is confused about what to do and not ready to make a commitment to one person.

5]. He may be a gentleman (or gutless) and he doesn't want to hurt you by telling you the truth.

6]. He is not ready to experience the loss of freedom that accompanies a true loss of "bachelorhood."

7]. He may not be able to trust himself as he has not yet "sewn his wild oats" and fears that he may still be attracted to others and could cheat on you in the future, if he is not doing so already.

8]. He may realize that he is solidly in the middle of his sexual prime and not ready to settle down or be faithful to any one person.

9]. He has diminished feelings for you or has lost one or more of the Five Characteristics of a Healthy Relationship: Trust, Respect, Intimacy, Passion and Commitment.

10]. He has feelings for someone else and can't bring himself to tell you or isn't exactly sure what those feelings are or mean to him.

11]. He is feeling smothered and needs some distance from you.

12]. He is experiencing pangs of guilt for how sexual you both have been, or realizes that the sex is not all that great between the two of you. Maybe sex is the only thing he truly wants out of the relationship or he is not getting sex from you and seeking (or getting it) from someone else.

   No matter what line or excuse he uses, and there are many more than I listed above, he is basically putting you on "lay away." He is asking you to put your life on hold, not date anyone else, and be there for him once he has lived life to the fullest, and made up his mind (if he ever does) as to whether he wants YOU or not. You must play Regis and ask yourself, will you be his "final answer?"

   Think of it this way, if you go to a store and put an item on lay away, the store gives you a certain date and time that you must return and purchase the item by or they will place it back on the rack for public consumption. You might come back and actually purchase the item, but there is a higher probability that you will not. You may forget that it is there or rationalize yourself out of the purchase. You may find something cheaper or an item that better meets your needs or more quickly and passionately catches your eye. You may simply lose interest or your taste may change over time. You might get lazy, never go back to that particular store, simply get low on funds or completely forget that you placed it on lay away in the first place. No matter what, the negatives associated with the "lay away" mentality, outweigh the positives.

   Your man is taking a huge risk letting you out there to be dated, because you just might not be there when he comes back to pick up his "purchase" (unless you give other men the impression that you are taken or "damaged goods" and they all shy away).

   You have a decision to make that no one can make for you. Pine away and wait and hope that he comes back for his "purchase," or move on and live your life to the fullest. : Everything Dating from Pick-up to Break-up

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