| There are several big mistakes that people often make in first relationships. |
The one I hear from a lot of women is that they believe their first boyfriend is the one they are going to marry, which is essentially never the case. This often leads women to go farther sexually then they would like to in that relationship.
Another mistake both men and women make in first relationships is engaging in sexual intercourse before they're really ready. It bonds them with each other in a way that is difficult to manage, and for which they are not yet ready to handle.
Finally, the biggest mistake, which people continue to make throughout their lives, is not seeing the person for who he or she is. They get caught up in a romantic idealized notion of who the person is, and miss the worst of that person because they have their love glasses on. This can lead to serious errors in judgment.
The most important thing to realize is that a good deal of that idealization of the other person is built on the idealization of your parents. Whatever weaknesses or traumas they may have hoisted on you become characteristics or qualities you will look for in a partner. Essentially, you are trying to correct the problems of the past. You're like a key looking for a lock you fit perfectly into -- and that key was originally formed by the relationship with your mom and dad.
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