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The Best Condom Jokes      
  sexual healing · condoms · jokes

Sex should be fun but sex should be safe... Here are some funny condom jokes...

The One About the Good Ol' Boys!
Three rednecks were sitting around comparing their wives one day to see who had the dumbest. The first guy said, 'My wife's so dumb, she bought a toilet, and we don't even have running water.'

The second said, 'That's nothing! Mine bought a ceiling fan, and we don't even have electricity.'

The third said, 'Aw, that's nothing! I was goin' through my wife's purse for some whisky money t'other night and found a box of condoms. And you know what? She ain't even got a penis!'

The One About the Condom Fitter!
One day an engineer is going into a new grocery shop on the outskirts of town. When just inside, he sees a sign which says: 'CONDOMS: SOLD & FITTED.'

He looks around and calls for service. Then, an exceptionally attractive young lady emerges.

'Do you work here?' he asks.

'Yes,' she replied.

'And is the statement on the sign over there true?' The lady leans over the counter and says seductively, 'Yes.'

'Tell me,' he asks, 'who fits them?'

'I do,' said the lady.

'Well,' said the engineer, 'would you please wash your hands and give me a pound of tomatoes?'

The One About the Big Girl!
A woman walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist if he sells size extra large condoms. He replies, "Yes we do. Would you like to buy some?"

She responds, "No, but do you mind if I wait around here until someone does?

One Liners!
Do you know how to reuse a condom?
   Turn it inside out and wash the fu#k out of it.

Why did the condom cross the road?
   Because it was pissed off.

A woman was asked how she felt about condoms.
   She said, "Depends on what's in it for me."

What do you call 365 condoms rolled into 1?
   A Good Year

What do you call grit in a condom?
   An organ grinder.

Why did the condom fly across the room?
   Because it got pissed off.

What do a coffin and a condom have in common?
   They're both filled with stiffs - except one's coming and one's going.

Have you bought your condoms yet? No?
Better get on that!
Save yourself some money and buy them online.
Read our reasons why... : Everything Dating from Pick-up to Break-up

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